Interested Civilian........

[GUNNER]

I don't tell my family much of anything about my job, unless it is a funny story. I don't think they really want to hear any of it anyway. the only ones that I really talk to are other officers.

[LDM]

Originally Posted by benzbabe

How much do you actually tell your families?

That must be stressful on you as well. Trying to decide what to tell and what not to tell.

And please do let me know if I over step my bounds. I am intruding on your privacy so I thank you for your time and input.

I don't know about the others, but there was a couple of ways I coped with the hassle.

1. When I was an officer a lot of us would meet after shift for a cup of coffee and that would be our time of decompressing. Usually it was after M/W and E/W. After D/W you just wanted to get home with the family.

2. Later when I became a manager it was another trusted manager and in another instance it was a guy I used to carpool with. That 1/2 hour ride home sure did help.

I tried as much as possible not to bring it home...OR a bad attitude after working with some real thugs. There were a couple of times my wife had to tell me to 'chill out' but that didn't happen too often.

I did find that at parties (retirement, promotion, etc) the prison staff tended to congregate in groups and you would see the spouses on the outer fringe. It was hard for them to keep up with our lingo...shots, hooch, SHU, Morning Watch, and stuff like that.

[R12GOMEZ]

I don't tell my family much, sometimes i tell my girfriend a funny story but the way i deal with it is at the end of my shift i go home and watch t.v. or workout and forget about been a C.O.

[Iowa #1603]

Originally Posted by soundboy125

Thanks for all the kind things you said, and rest assured you are not alone in not knowing what we do, most that we serve don't.
Welcome aboard, we're not as mean as Hollywood makes us out to be, feel free to ask questions but understand some things we can't answer, we'll let you know what those are when we get there.(trade secrets and all...lol) Enjoy your stay here.

+1
The Hollywood sterotype has done more harm to our profession than anything else.............
Most of us are really nice people =========most of the time

Originally Posted by benzbabe

And please do let me know if I over step my bounds. I am intruding on your privacy so I thank you for your time and input.

Cory, the owner of this forum, has made it clear that this is a PUBLIC forum so you are really not intruding on us. (there is a super secret squirrel place on the forum we can go to to talk about all those fun things)
Actually some of us really like to educate the public on what we do and why we do it.

And yea-----someone will let you know if they don't like what you say or ask. Law Enforcement and Corrections tends to attract TYPE A personalities who are many times VERY outspoken.

Originally Posted by benzbabe

How much do you actually tell your families?
That must be stressful on you as well. Trying to decide what to tell and what not to tell.

Each of us has different circumstances as to who we confide in outside of the walls. I ,for example, pretty much tell my wife just about everything. She made it very clear to me when we got married that she wanted to be involved===============and during some tough times when I tried to keep her away from the stupid stuff=========she called me out on it. Lesson learned!!!!!!!

Shortly after we were married there was a institutional tour offered and she went on the tour.......back when I was deep into union activities she attened conferences right along side me ( and toured facilities in other states right beside the rest of us)

Most of my family including both of my children, mother, sisters, and a couple cousins have toured my institution at one time or another during employee events.

But like others have said my personal life is just that PERSONAL...........I have very few friends that I knock around with from the prison-----and most of them I knew from before we worked together.

My friends from the outside ..................some of them don't even know where I work. Close friends do of course but the fringe friends just know I work for the state.

Your mileage may vary by talking to other CO's..........everyone handles it differently.

Originally Posted by Pahack1972

As for the crap that goes on, inmate and staff-wise alike..... you have to adapt to it and learn to blow it off. Its almost like you don't care...... And for a CO's humor... hmmm, its more cynical than natural...... we can be standing around a inmate stabbed 50 times in the hospital, and we are joking and whatever....... its not that we don't care... its that we are fighting the reality of the situation so we may sleep at night......
You don't pick this job........ it chose us....... god bless you all.......

Over the years I have worked as a CO, Deputy Sheriff, and Paramedic. The humor is as Pahack states a coping mechanisim.
Eating a sandwich while watching a doctor sew up an inmate is neither unheard of or uncommon>

One of the nice things about this forum is we can come on here and joke about things in a way that the general public probably condem us for because they just don't get it.

I can remember working in an Emerency Room and in an Operating Room...........trust me, you DON'T want to know what the doctors and nurses are saying while you are knocked out!!!!!!!!! Or what the cop says AFTER he has given you a ticket and let you go on your way


Enjoy your time on the forum and ask away...................you will get the hint if we get unhappy>

[benzbabe]

Thank you for your responses and your graciousness in accepting a civilian into your midst.

I think about talking to my family members about work and how it helps me see things a bit more clearly at times. It must be difficult for those of you whose family doesn't want to hear about what you do not to be able to talk to them.

It must also be difficult to know who to trust where you work. I just read a thread about an officer bringing in small contraband for a prisoner and how now that officer is under the thumb--so to speak--of the inmate.

How do you know who you can trust when the chips are down? Why do co's do something like this? Is there money to be made? Are they trying to gain the "respect" of the inmate so that they don't cause any trouble?

I just don't understand how someone would trust a convict over their fellow brothers and sisters.

Again, you folks amaze me. Not only do you have to watch your back from those you are guarding but from those you work with.

God Bless you and keep you all safe.

[BOP5150]

Originally Posted by benzbabe

How do you know who you can trust when the chips are down? Why do co's do something like this? Is there money to be made? Are they trying to gain the "respect" of the inmate so that they don't cause any trouble?

When it comes down to it we have to be able to trust one another. 99% won't let us down.
Asfor why they do it, we could only guess. Financial need, greed, being compromised (knowingly or unknowingly) then backed in a corner by the inmate, low self esteem and the weak one in the pack sniffed out by a predator.
We had one guy who was out of IF about 3 months and was walked out for bringing in drugs. He said he joined just to see how much he could sell on the compound.

[leamas]

Originally Posted by GUNNER

I don't tell my family much of anything about my job, unless it is a funny story. I don't think they really want to hear any of it anyway. the only ones that I really talk to are other officers.

You don't tell your family anything by choice. When we do ask questions you either blow us off, tell us we wouldn't understand or you tell us that we don't need to know...yet you complain because you think we don't care or don't want to hear about it.....the kids want to hear about it and when you talk to them and with them, they learn to understand you and your moods better....try it sometime.

[benzbabe]

Originally Posted by leamas

You don't tell your family anything by choice. When we do ask questions you either blow us off, tell us we wouldn't understand or you tell us that we don't need to know...yet you complain because you think we don't care or don't want to hear about it.....the kids want to hear about it and when you talk to them and with them, they learn to understand you and your moods better....try it sometime.

So where do you draw the line as a family member? Do you want to hear and continuously worry or do you not want to hear about your loved ones day?

God what a double edged sword it is, isn't it?

I know when my friend tells me things, there are times I don't want to hear it because I worry (that's me--momma hen) but I do want to better understand the things he (you) all endure on a daily basis so I will listen intently and understand that you do what you have to. I want to be able to let him talk to release some of the stress of the day--just like the rest of us do when we talk about our day. We want advice, opinions or just someone to tell us that we did something right. You really don't have that option, at times, and the frustration can't help but build up.

I do understand about talking with fellow brothers/sisters. But is that the same as telling those you go home to? I'll answer my own question--no. Yes, your co-workers understand because they are in the same environment and know what's going on. But not to be able to tell your loved ones at home or share the details of your day--whether by them not wanting to know or you choosing not to worry them--wow! That's gotta be rough.

I can't imagine not hearing everything about my loved ones day (kids, family, friends).

Again, I thank you so much for your graciousness in answering my thread. You have helped me have a better understanding in so many ways and I respect you and what you do more and more as I continue to explore this site.

[all4114all]

sometimes they are just gullible and end up trapped... once trapped only way out is to quit (and most people need to work for money) or agree to participate further....

[lwinger]

Lets see my father an sister would not understand anything I told them about the prison. My mom died in 06 again she didnot want to hear about it. SO I guess that leaves me talking to my dog Thor. Being a LT I really do not feel it right to talk to my CO's about anything. I am there to lead by example and get them home in one piece everyday that I work. (Still stuck in the Military officer mindset and will probably even after I retire from the Army) Luckily I live in some awesome mountains. So I will go kayaking, snow shoing, fly fishing, motorcycle riding, or hiking to decompress surrounded by nature.