Practical Jokes

[Von Nanega]

I had an orderly out in SHU. A friend of mine, a female CO was working on a lower tier. She was worried that the Cuban orderly was a perv. I took some hair conditioner and warmed it in my hand. It looked just like semen. I dropped it on her arm when she passed on the lower level. She looked like she was possessed. She could have taken me off the count I was laughing so hard.

[Sultan of Shakedown]

We had a noob who was one of those types who carried a notebook around everywhere with him writing down everything. We were all a little paranoid at first, but soon realized he had no experience in corrections and our EDM department said that it was a good idea to take notes. His first night in SHU, we told him to make sure and write down everything that the inmates asked him about or requested. I believe our SEG was around 135-140 inmates, he spent about 3 hours gathering alot of useless information. Would you believe that every single inmate had a complaint or wanted something. He filled up his note book and it was subsequently retired. He was a good sport about it.

Gathering air samples in a plastic bag is a good one.
Paging another unit's orderlies to the CO's office is always good.
Making sure to do the "basement checks" immediately folowing the roof checks.

I have called in the weekly fire extinguisher count. haha
I also had an inmate constantly snitch out another inmate for concealing his "crack" between his butt cheeks. Yes, I did discover the crack between his butt cheeks during a strip search, but no contraband.

[Bobshouse]

I was messing with a friend in the towers one night on the midnight to 8 shift...morning finally rolls around and the Lt gets on the squackbox to the towers and yells "towers, how's the fog?" in preparation for work call. This guy yells back..."Screw you, Bob!" Again the Lt yells "This is Lt Holbrook, how's the fog?!!" Once again the reply "Screw you, Bob!" The Lt looks over at me and I shrug my shoulders like "WTF, I dont know whats going on!" Finally, with one great roar, the Lt yells over the intercom "I want everyone of you tower officers in my office once your relieved!!!!!!" There was dead silence, then an annonymous voice cracks over the intercom..."Great job dude...I don't think that was Bob..."

One of the only advantages of the solitary confinement of working a tower was the ability to go home once relieved. If you worked inside, you had to hang around for a "full" crew, which usually ment until the last minute. Then if someone didn't show, you could be held back for a mandatory O/T....these guys didn't want to come inside knowing what could happen....lol