Wednesday Humor

[santipecos]

Remember this

A man is not complete until he is married.

Then he is finished.
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Sniffer Dog

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane
when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador
Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the
dog was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog
was a 'sniffing dog'.

'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is.

I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'

The plane took off, and once it has levelled out, the agent said,
'Watch this.' He told Sniffer to 'search.'

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very
purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.

Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent's
arm.

The agent said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That
woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat
number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

'Say, that's pretty neat,' replied the first man.

Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles.

The Labrador sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few
seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the
agent's arm.

The agent said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making
a note of his seat number for the police.'

I like it!' said his seat mate.

The agent then told Sniffer to 'search' again..

Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down
for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the
middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place.

The first man was really grossed-out by this behaviour and couldn't
figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he
asked the agent, 'What's going on?'

The agent nervously replied, 'He just found a bomb.'
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Osama and The Female Genie

While trying to escape through Pakistan , Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the sand and picked it up.

Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?"

Osama responded, "You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything."

The shocked genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, "Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you.

" The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.

The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton at his side.

His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.
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User Error

I was having trouble with my computer.............

So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control at NASA and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

Eric grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."So , I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like Eric ...........!?
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Cats and Dogs



What is a Cat?

1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.

CONCLUSION:
They're tiny women in little fur coats.



What is a Dog?

1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.

CONCLUSION:
They're tiny men in little fur coats.
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Grandma's Boyfriend

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma wasdusting, he looked up and said,
'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now thatGrandpa went to heaven?'
Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I cansit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. Thereligious programs make me feel good and the comediesmake me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception wasterrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying toget the picture in focus. Frustrated, she startedhitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix theproblem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurriedto open the door and there stood Grandma's minister.The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'



The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroombangin' her boyfriend.'
The minister fainted.