A smile for a Friday

[santipecos]

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick.

His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases.

It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school.
Tommy was over 2 hours late.

'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?', they asked.

'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project' said Tommy.

The Robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school.'

'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.'

'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.

'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy.

The Robot went around to Tommy and onc e again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.

With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied.

We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'

'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.'

The robot then walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears.
'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tomm y. After all, He is your son!'

The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and slapped her three times.
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An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. 'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.

'I would like it infrequently' she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, 'Is that one word or two?
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Finally an honest song about love-making!!

Honest R&B

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How can you tell...
...when a Catholic is speeding?

http://members.westnet.com.au/kez57/HURL/01.jpg



A father, sitting in his favorite armchair reading the evening paper is approached by his youngest son.

"Dad ... "says the boy "What does a vagina look like?"

The father lowers his paper, and for a brief moment studies his young son and says ...
"Well son ... a vagina before sex is truly a thing of beauty. It is the most wonderful thing God ever created. It is more delicate than a fresh picked rose. It's aroma is more beautiful than the finest of perfumes. It's feel is that of the softest self. Its taste is that of pure nectar."

And The young boy with the look of dreamy astonishment simply says "Wow".

The father continued ....
"Even the words of the greatest poets fail to do justice to its heavenly wonderment. Man would even sacrifice his own soul for a mere glimpse of its pure divinity."

"It sounds wonderful Dad" and then after moment asked "What do they look like after sex, Dad?"

Without even a pause to think about the question the father said ...
"Son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"