blonde jokes

[tcurtis76]

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the
window, "Cruise Special -- $99!" So she goes inside, lays
her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise
special, please."

The agent says, "Yes, ma'am," the he grabs her, drags her
into the back room, ties her into a large inner tube, pulls
her out the back door and downhill to the river bank, where
he pushes her in and sends her floating down the river.

A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign,
goes inside, lays down her money, and asks for the $99
special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating
down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she
eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side
by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they
serve refreshments on this cruise?"

The second blonde replies, "They didn't last year."

[AB3302]

A blonde who suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds him naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she’s angry. She opens her purse and takes out the gun. But as she does so, she is overcome with grief and points the gun at her own head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do it."

"Shut up," she says. "You’re next."

[AB3302]

Did you hear about the new paint color that’s coming out?

It’s called blonde.

It’s not very bright, but it spreads easy.

[AB3302]

A blonde goes into the dry cleaners to have her sweater cleaned. She asks the clerk, “How much?”

He doesn’t hear her correctly and says “Come again?”

She giggles and says “No…it’s just mustard this time.”

[AB3302]

Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.

About an hour later, the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there, the sheriff asked him what he saw, and the deputy yelled back, “Just three gunnysacks.”

The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, “Arf-Arf”, so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it. Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, “Meow”, so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it. Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all so he kicked it again.

Finally the blonde said, “Potatoes.”

[AB3302]

A blonde and a brunette both board an elevator and push the buttons for their respective floors. On the next floor, the door opens and a businessman wearing a black suit boards the elevator. It’s evident that the man has dandruff problems, because it can be seen on the shoulder of his suit.
Two floors later the man gets off, and the two women remain. When the door closes the brunette says, “Someone should give that guy some Head & Shoulders.”

The blonde then responds, “How do you give shoulders?”

[AB3302]

Tired of relentlessly being called dumb, a blonde decided to color her hair.

After leaving the salon a brunette, she jumped into her convertible and went for a drive through the countryside.

While driving, she saw a shepard with a flock of sheep. She pulled over and bet the shepard that she could guess how many sheep he had in his flock. If she guessed correct, she could keep one. Knowing there was no way she could guess, the shepard agreed.

“Two hundred eighty-seven,” the blonde guessed.

“I’ll be damned! That’s exactly how many sheep I have in my flock,” replied the shepard. “A bet’s a bet, so pick out your sheep.”

After much deliberation, the blonde found the most energetic and happy sheep, picked him up and put him in her car.

Just then, the shepard said, “Now wait a minute. You got your bet, now it’s my turn. If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?”

[AB3302]

A blonde woman is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said. “Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde nodded. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.

“No, from skipping.”

[AB3302]

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right “tools” she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice.

Then from the heavens a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.

The voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

This time, quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

The very scared blonde raised her head and said, “Is that you, Lord?”

The voice answered, “NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.”

[AB3302]

Q: Why are blondes so easy?

A: Who cares?