blonde jokes

[AB3302]

Q: Why did the blonde coed have sex with a Mexican guy?

A: The teacher told her to do an essay.

[AB3302]

A surgeon is talking to a blonde who is about to undergo an operation.

“Do you have any questions?” the doctor asks.

“Yeah, how long before I can get back to my normal sex life?”

“I hadn’t really thought about that,” says the surgeon. “After a tonsillectomy, I’d say a week.”

[AB3302]

Two blondes are walking down the road when one says, “Look at that dog with one eye!”

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, “Where?”

[AB3302]

A blonde crossing the road gets hit by a truck. The truck driver jumps out to check on her.

“Are you all right?” he asks.

“Everything is just a blur,” says the blonde as she’s lying in the street.

The man holds his hand in front of her face and asks, “How many fingers have I got up?”

“Oh, no!” she yells. “Don’t tell me I’m paralyzed from the waist down too!”

[AB3302]

One blonde asks another, “Which is further, Vancouver or the moon?"

The other replies, "Hello! Can you see Vancouver?”

[AB3302]

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?

A: A washing machine doesn’t follow you around for a week after you put a load in it.

[tcurtis76]

Q. How does a blonde part their hair?
A. By doing the splits.

Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
A. Nothing, they haven't met!

Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.

Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme

Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!

Q. Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A. They chip their teeth.

Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A. Fertilized

Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A. More headroom

Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob?
A. Because everyone gets a turn.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang it, the looser it gets!

Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes

Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A. An airbag.

Q. How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day?
A. She has a tampon tucked under her ear and she can't find her pencil.

Q. What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
A. They both swallowed a lot of semen.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A. Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board.

Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for chips.

Q. What do you call a zit on a blondes ass?
A. Brain tumor.

Q. Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A. So she can have a doggie bag for later.

Q. How would a blonde punctuate the following: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry....

Q. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A. Because they both drip when they're ****ed!

Q. What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A. "Way to go team!"

Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A. FULL

Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A. She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q. Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
A. So she could lip read.

Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A. You get to park in the handicap zone.

Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A. Not everyone has been in a 747?

Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q. What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
A. Artificial intelligence.

Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath.

Q. What do blondes and cow **** have in common?
A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Q. How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
A. She opens the car door.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A. When you smack the mosquito it stops sucking!!

Q. What does a blonde say the last two words of the national anthem are?
A. Play ball!

Q. What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.

Q. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A. Cause it said concentrate.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
A. They know how many went down on the Titanic.

Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.

Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.

Q. What is a brunette between two blondes?
A. An interpreter.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A. The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money?
A. She sold her car for it...

Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A. "Are you sure it's mine?"

Q. Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons?
A. Because they have blond boyfriends

Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up

Q. What does a blonde and a turtle have in common?
A. Get'em on their back and their both ****ed.

Q. What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A. A blow job with handlebars

Q. What do you call a blond with a brain?
A. A golden retriever.

Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet?
A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion.

Q. How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax?
A. It has a stamp on it.

Q. What do you call a room full of blondes with PMS and yeast infections?
A. A wine and cheese party!

Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch 'n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

Q. Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?
A. It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too.

Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the banana peel on the floor?
A. Oh no, I'm going to fall again!

Q. How can you tell a blonde has used your computer?
A. There is white out on the screen.

Q. Why are blondes like 7-Eleven stores?
A. Open 24 hours a day.

Q. Why did the blonde throw bread crumbs down the toilet?
A. To feed the toilet duck!

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a pair of sun glasses?
A. The sun glasses sit higher on your face.

Q. Why do blondes always drink with straws?
A. Practice.

Q. Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A. To cover the valve stem.

Q. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A. It takes too long to retrain them.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A. The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q. How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
A. They spread for the bread.

Q. What's the difference between a group of blondes and a good magician?
A. The magician has a cunning array of stunts.


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[AB3302]

A guy on trial for murder decides to bribe a juror so he can escape the death penalty. He tells a blonde on the jury that he’ll give her $10,000 if she pushes for manslaughter. She agrees.

Days later the jury finds him guilty of manslaughter, and he’s taken to jail. There he uses his one call to ring up the blonde juror.

“Thanks so much for saving me,” he gushes.

“No problem. But it wasn’t easy,” the blonde replies. “Everyone else wanted to acquit you.”

[AB3302]

A blonde was shopping and came across a silver Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.

“That’s a Thermos,” the clerk said. “It keeps some things hot and some things cold.”

“Wow,” said the blonde. “That’s amazing. I’m going to buy it!”

So she bought the Thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk.

“What do you have there?” he asked.

“Why, that’s a Thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,” she replied.

Her boss inquired, “What do you have in it?”

The blond replied, “Two popsicles and some coffee.”

[shakedownshorti]

Uggghhhhh....these are the reasons I have dyed my hair dark!!!!!! LOL!!