NFL All Prison Yard Team

[Waxd0g]

NFL All Prison Yard Team | The Snapper

NFL All Prison Yard Team
Wednesday, October 28, 2009


This article is fairly self explanatory, but I should probably clarify the grounds to make this illustrious team. Now if I wanted to do this the easy way I would just make a team of all Bengals and Cowboys, but I would leave out far too many prized pieces of the puzzle.

I’m not looking for just any arrest, but those that are multiple offenders and who just cannot learn. Talent on the field is preferred but not required. If your arrests are so great, a lack of talent can be overlooked. Just to clarify, one DUI does not impress me; you need at least two to make this team. For the record, no tight end will be used in my offense.

QB: Michael Vick- If you don’t know why, you are living under a rock.

RB: OJ Simpson and Travis Henry will split carries. Everybody knows OJ, but Henry is very underrated in this department. Henry is currently serving a three year prison sentence for cocaine trafficking. Contributing to his cause is the eleven children by ten women; not illegal but pretty hilarious.

FB: Najeah Davenport- Arrested for defecating in a woman’s laundry basket one night at University of Miami. Blame it on the alcohol Najeah.

WR: Bob Hayes, Rae Carruth, Chris Henry- Hayes, the fastest man in the history of the league, was arrested for selling cocaine to an undercover officer. Carruth conspired to murder his wife and was found hiding in the trunk of his car. Henry was arrested four times in a 14 month span. When he was arrested on gun charges in Orlando, he was still wearing his game jersey, that’s the greatest accomplishment on this team.

Tackle: Bryant Mckinnie- Three arrests, one for refusing to leave a night club and attempting to fight a bouncer, not a good choice by the bouncer.

Guard: Nate Newton- My offensive team captain was arrested for driving around with a trash bag full of marijuana not once, but twice within a five week span. He did learn his lesson after the first arrest when he was carrying around 213 lbs, he lightened his load to 175 lbs the second time.

Center: Barret Robbins- Best known for his role in missing the Super Bowl because of bipolar disorder, Robbins has been arrested for attempted murder and numerous substance abuse violations.

Guard: Kenyatta Jones- Assaulted his roommate with scalding water. When you’re that big, do you really need to burn people?

Tackle: Stockar McDougle- Assaulted two senior citizens when they accused him of writing a bounced check at a nursery. True Class.

Defensive End: Alonzo Spellman- He was arrested multiple times, stemming incidents such as inciting a riot on a plane by saying it would crash, and leading police on a high speed chase. He also threatened to assault a doctor.

Defensive Tackle: Darrell Russell- Seven times he violated the NFL’s substance abuse policy. He drank and smoked himself out of the league.

Defensive Tackle: Tank Johnson- One of my personal favorites. Johnson has been arrested numerous times for weapons charges and assault.

Defensive End: Bruce Smith- I normally am not impressed by DUIs, but when you get three of them, you’re doing something noteworthy.

Outside Linebacker: Lawrence Taylor- The defensive captain and greatest defensive player of all time was arrested numerous times for various drug charges. The true beauty of LT is how many times he beat the system by using other people’s urine to pass tests when he was a player. Truly an icon in the world of partying and avoiding responsibility.

Middle Linebacker: Ray Lewis- I’m an avid defender of Ray, but anytime you are an accomplice to murder you are going to be on the list.

Middle Linebacker: Odell Thurman- He violated the substance abuse policy too many times to count and was arrested twice for assault; he was dismissed on the assault charges. Another one who smoked and drank his way out of the NFL.

Outside Linebacker: Hollywood Henderson- The former Dallas star was arrested for smoking crack with two underage girls, one of which was a paraplegic. He claimed the crack was in exchange for consensual sex, what a deal.

CB: Pacman Jones- Since 2000, 78 different defensive backs have been arrested; truly a monumental feat. Pacman highlights this list. Nobody squandered talent like him; a laundry list of arrests culminating with the famous “makin’ it rain” incident at a Vegas Strip club.

FS: Eugene Robinson- Arrested the night before the Super Bowl, which he was playing in, for picking up a prostitute. The next night he was routinely torched by John Elway.

SS: Dwayne Goodrich- Two men were attempting to save somebody from a burning vehicle, when Goodrich plowed into them doing 110 mph in his BMW. To cap it off, he fled the scene. Despicable.

CB: Dale Carter- He has been arrested for assault, multiple DUIs, gun charges, and was involved in a shootout. To cap it off, the former rookie of the year filed for bankruptcy at one point.

Kicker: Sebastian Janikowski- Numerous substance abuse problems and an arrest for assault.

Punter: Todd Sauerbraun- I had to reach deep in the barrel for this one. A DUI and he was investigated for steroids.

[Beatyourkids]

can we get jamal lewis on there? or plaxico ?