Best Medical Story

[jafish]

Originally Posted by KBCraig

Of course, I told him to step down the hall and show the lieutenant.

Now that's just awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Craven Moorehead]

Stop It!!!!!!!

[B-E-A-R]

Well I think the single funniest story I had was with my FTO officer. We were in the middle of a strip search of this new arrestee. We were doing the normal routine, when we got to the bend over and spread your cheeks portion the guy started acting as if he was hard of hearing. So of course we repeated ourselves, the guy decides to squat and clear his throat (not cough). At this point my FTO was getting a little spooked that this guy was acting strange, not to mention myself and my fto partner were in there with him. So at this point my FTO officer who is about 6'0 300lbs steps in and proceeds to bend the guy over but before he could the guy complies. When the guy turns around and bends over he slowly spreads his cheeks and there is this little black thing hanging out of his rectum. My Fto tells him "whatever that is pull it out NOW! The guy starts pulling and the thing keeps on coming out turns out it is a cellphone antenna, Yep you guessed it this guy had cer-ran rapped a nextel and stuffed it up his yank! He said it was because he heard that "you don't get that much time on the phone when your on the inside".

Originally Posted by Mack the Hack

Ok guys, here is your chance to really vent.

What is the best, or weirdest taking one out to the hospital story.

We had an inmate at our institution go to an officer at about 4 AM one morning complaining that he had hurt his member. They took him to the institution hospital only to find that he had BROKEN it. Evidently there are two veins that run down either side of it and when you are excited it gets, well you know. Anyway, he claimed that while he was excited, he rolled over and broke it, or at least ruptured both veins down the sides of it. It had swolen to about the size of a softball. We took him to an outside hospital where the truth was made known that he had actually been riding his celly and slid out on a back stroke and hit hard on the in stroke and broke his pride and joy. He spent several days in the hospital following the surgery to repair it.

Should be some good stories here.

Hows the celly's ass? OUCH

[usplvnhack]

Originally Posted by shakedownshorti

Hence the inmate was nicknamed "Broke ****" and he would just smile when Officer's would say, "Hey Broke **** get over here so I can pat you down!"

now that is just funny, cause I wouldn't expect anything less from shorti.

[bkmaxvrb]

I think the best for me is at the North East Region's finest FMC. There once was an inmate sitting in a step-down mental health unit. You know, the kind for the thugs that are a bit touched, don't need to be totally isolated but still can't play with the rest of the compound. This unit is staffed by a nurse and an officer. At the time, it was rookie training post.

Well, I was in Control when the call came for a medical emergency for an inmate having a heart attack. What really took place was the inmate had dug both eyeballs out of his head with his bare hands. The only thing attacking his heart was his own two hands. He figured he got his eyes out now he needed to get his heart out of his chest. His chest was scraped up pretty good but the eyes dangling back and forth from the sockets and laying on his cheeks were a bit more disturbing.

The officer did a pretty good job overall. One of the responding nurses lost her mind and became ineffective. She was just screaming on the radio and you couldn't make out what she was requesting.

The Opns Lt wasn't much better. He was literally running in a giant circle calling for staff. Fortunately there were some senior and very good officers on that night. By the time the Lt had gotten himself under control. We had the rear gate staffed, a vehicle staged, a restraint kit on the way toward the inmate and mostly figured out who was going to be on the trip, even though the Lt had to make the final call. We even had most of the paperwork done, not that paper was a priority.

The inmate came back about five days later with his eyes back in his head and some of his sight restored. The ambulance crew later said it was one of the wierdest things they had seen. The family and press said it was all the prisons' fault for not taking care of thier beloved inmate (shocker) and preventing it from happening. Of course he was in for kiling his nephew who was adjusting the volume on the TV. Oh, by the way, the thug was in the country illegally.

Incidentally, that post is no longer a trainee post.

[Gaoler]

Originally Posted by bkmaxvrb

I think the best for me is at the North East Region's finest FMC. There once was an inmate sitting in a step-down mental health unit. You know, the kind for the thugs that are a bit touched, don't need to be totally isolated but still can't play with the rest of the compound. This unit is staffed by a nurse and an officer. At the time, it was rookie training post.

Well, I was in Control when the call came for a medical emergency for an inmate having a heart attack. What really took place was the inmate had dug both eyeballs out of his head with his bare hands. The only thing attacking his heart was his own two hands. He figured he got his eyes out now he needed to get his heart out of his chest. His chest was scraped up pretty good but the eyes dangling back and forth from the sockets and laying on his cheeks were a bit more disturbing.

The officer did a pretty good job overall. One of the responding nurses lost her mind and became ineffective. She was just screaming on the radio and you couldn't make out what she was requesting.

The Opns Lt wasn't much better. He was literally running in a giant circle calling for staff. Fortunately there were some senior and very good officers on that night. By the time the Lt had gotten himself under control. We had the rear gate staffed, a vehicle staged, a restraint kit on the way toward the inmate and mostly figured out who was going to be on the trip, even though the Lt had to make the final call. We even had most of the paperwork done, not that paper was a priority.

The inmate came back about five days later with his eyes back in his head and some of his sight restored. The ambulance crew later said it was one of the wierdest things they had seen. The family and press said it was all the prisons' fault for not taking care of thier beloved inmate (shocker) and preventing it from happening. Of course he was in for kiling his nephew who was adjusting the volume on the TV. Oh, by the way, the thug was in the country illegally.

Incidentally, that post is no longer a trainee post.

Holy ****!

[shakedownshorti]

Originally Posted by bkmaxvrb

I think the best for me is at the North East Region's finest FMC. There once was an inmate sitting in a step-down mental health unit. You know, the kind for the thugs that are a bit touched, don't need to be totally isolated but still can't play with the rest of the compound. This unit is staffed by a nurse and an officer. At the time, it was rookie training post.

Well, I was in Control when the call came for a medical emergency for an inmate having a heart attack. What really took place was the inmate had dug both eyeballs out of his head with his bare hands. The only thing attacking his heart was his own two hands. He figured he got his eyes out now he needed to get his heart out of his chest. His chest was scraped up pretty good but the eyes dangling back and forth from the sockets and laying on his cheeks were a bit more disturbing.

The officer did a pretty good job overall. One of the responding nurses lost her mind and became ineffective. She was just screaming on the radio and you couldn't make out what she was requesting.

The Opns Lt wasn't much better. He was literally running in a giant circle calling for staff. Fortunately there were some senior and very good officers on that night. By the time the Lt had gotten himself under control. We had the rear gate staffed, a vehicle staged, a restraint kit on the way toward the inmate and mostly figured out who was going to be on the trip, even though the Lt had to make the final call. We even had most of the paperwork done, not that paper was a priority.

The inmate came back about five days later with his eyes back in his head and some of his sight restored. The ambulance crew later said it was one of the wierdest things they had seen. The family and press said it was all the prisons' fault for not taking care of thier beloved inmate (shocker) and preventing it from happening. Of course he was in for kiling his nephew who was adjusting the volume on the TV. Oh, by the way, the thug was in the country illegally.

Incidentally, that post is no longer a trainee post.

Did ya call him "Pop-eye" after that?? Huh? Did ya???

[cllingo]

The most recent "best medical story" here at Coleman took place late last year at pen 2. An inmate had gone to medical and complained about having a constant erection. He had an erection for a few days before he finally reported it. Well, low and behold, this little dirt bag has a history of 205'ing female staff (Federal code for engaging in sex act, or masturbating in front of staff). Well, we ended up taking this inmate out to a urologist and the Dr. had to perform some surgery on the inmate to relieve him of his problem. After the surgery was completed, the Dr. informed us and the inmate that the procedure that he performed meant that the inmate would never be able to have an erection again. I about fell on the floor laughing when I heard that. LOL

[shakedownshorti]

Originally Posted by cllingo

The most recent "best medical story" here at Coleman took place late last year at pen 2. An inmate had gone to medical and complained about having a constant erection. He had an erection for a few days before he finally reported it. Well, low and behold, this little dirt bag has a history of 205'ing female staff (Federal code for engaging in sex act, or masturbating in front of staff). Well, we ended up taking this inmate out to a urologist and the Dr. had to perform some surgery on the inmate to relieve him of his problem. After the surgery was completed, the Dr. informed us and the inmate that the procedure that he performed meant that the inmate would never be able to have an erection again. I about fell on the floor laughing when I heard that. LOL

That's awesome. I always hated the Weenie Wackers!!!